Peak Erotic Experiences, a term coined by the fabulous author and therapist Dr. Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind, are those real-life experiences that mark the high points of your sex life (so far!) They are the moments when everything came together to create fantastic, unforgettable sexual highs. Dr. Morin encourages us to examine these moments carefully to unpack exactly what made them so amazing, to be able to bring more of those elements into our current sex life.
Recalling sex that you have actually experienced can be a powerful way to fantasize. Memories are all the more real than imagination, and the body will remember pleasurable sensations in great detail if you allow it.
This is a quick interactive experiment that will help you reveal the landscape of your authentic desires. We recommend repeating this exercise at least once a year, and anytime you feel stuck or unsure of what you are craving from your lover.
Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences
1. Spend some time and scan through your erotic history. Then pick one or two Peak Erotic Experiences – these are the moments when sex was the hottest, most satisfying, most fulfilling for you. Allow yourself to focus on those “off the charts” memories – even if they were with an ex, even if they were a long time ago.
2. Remember these experiences in vivid detail. Think about all the elements that made these experiences so pleasurable.
- Recall the situation that led up to the encounter, the environment, the mood, the smells.
- What were you wearing? What did your partner look like?
- What language, specific words and tone of voice did your lover use?
- What happened first? Who did what to who?
- Where were you?
- What do you remember seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling?
- Was there a risk of being discovered, a power dynamic? forbidden lust? pent up desire? Any other factors to make it extra hot?
The more vivid your memory, the more effective your map will be to creating more sex like this in the future.
3. Pick 3 qualities that you want to experience more of. Write them down. Then, you can share with your lover or not, your choice. What is important now is to actively create the conditions that will allow for more fulfilling sex in the future. By naming what worked for you in the past, you are poised to recreate those turn-ons in the future.
“Now you are ready to begin examining your peak erotic experiences. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface” – Dr. Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind
Please use the comments thread to share what came up for you in this exercise! Hearing about other people's Peak Erotic Experiences can be a great way to widen our perspective on what is possible, pleasurable and desirable!